On the Bright Side

August 9, 2010
I went back to work today. It sucked. A lot.

I've been crying about this for weeks. I cried this morning as I was getting Cole dressed. Then I went "numb" when I walked in my office. It was the only way I could make it through the day. It sounds horrible but I pretend I don't have kids at all when I'm at work. Otherwise they'd be the only things I thought about. And the tears wouldn't stop if I thought about them all day.

Everyone was happy to see me. They kept asking me if I was glad to be back. I just stared at them with this dumb look on my face... uh, DUH NO! What kind of question is that? Thanks for the reminder that I am leaving my precious baby and not at home where I really want to be. It was hard. I hated it.

Cole didn't eat good at all. Too much going on... new voices, sounds, and way too much to look at. I was soaking wet from my shoulders to my belly button because of it. That and I had run out of disposable nursing pads while we were at Bear Lake and didn't have time to get to the store. It sucked. A lot. Did I mention that already? But his teacher said he was super good. I'm not sure I believe it because as soon as I walked through the door to feed him, his bottom lip started quivering. He won't look at me or talk to me. He must be mad at me. It was heart wrenching to not see his little face and hear his coos all day.

But on the bright side, Cole did take two really good naps. Something I can't seem to get him to do at home. And my expensive, air-conditioned, ergonomic, plush chair was still in my office. Had this baby been stolen while I was on maternity leave, I would have had a complete meltdown.